The Guinness Diet

So I know you all know how I am on a diet lots of times.  Mom is afraid if I put too much fat on my sleek body that I'll look like a lelephant.  I don't want to look like a lelephant.  What's a lelephant?  Does anyone know what a lelephant is?  It must be big and ugly or something.

Anyway, if I go to the vet and weigh more than 62 pounds, she starts talking about diets again.  I wish she wouldn't do that.  Every time she does that I get more carrots in my Kong toy and less peanut butter in my marrow bones.  I like peanut butter a lot, lot more than carrots.  (And I like carrots a lot, lot more than celery.  Just sayin'.) 

So we went to the vet the other day.  (I tried to go on strike when she went up the stairs to the vet's office.  I don't really like going to the vet.  And if I go on strike with Dad, he just takes me home.  So I tried that with Mom again, but she won't have anything to do with that stuff.  She justs grabs my collar and pulls so I have to go.  I wish Dad would take me to the vet.  Then we could go home when I go on strike. 

Why don't I like the vet?  Because every time we go, they poke at me and stick me with a long needle and it hurts!  I don't say anything.  I just try to think of something else 'till they are done.  And then they do give me some good treats, so that's OK.  AND they put me on the scale and when I weigh over 62 pounds, you know what happens then -- carrots!

Well this time I tried a new diet.  When we got to the vet, I promptly went over to the scale and sat down.  I made it look real official like.

Look at that!  38.2 pounds.  Mom can't put me on a diet at 38.2 pounds.  In fact she may have to start feeding me more peanut butter.  I think I'm pretty clever. 

You can try it too.  Next time you go to the doctor, just try sitting on the scale with your feet on the floor.  I bet you lose lots of weight too.

Please tell everyone you know about my new diet.  I want to make some money on my good idea.  Thank you,

Yours,

G

Back in St. Louis Again

I know I'm back in St. Louis for the summer.  Wanna know why?  There are a couple of things. 

First, Mom is trying to get me to use the Doggie Door again.  I tried to express my unhappiness with this behavior of hers.  I decided to starve myself till she stopped.  Dad was worried.  He tried to feed me by hand (which I grudgingly ate, 'cuz it wasn't his fault.  Plus I WAS hungry).  But I refused to eat my food from my doggie dish.  Mom just said, "Just leave it out.  Eventually he'll eat it."  But I kept at it.  One day, however, I got hungry and forgot I wasn't eating.  So after that, I figured it probably wasn't having the same effect.  So I'm eating again.  (And Mom has a smug look on her face!)  But I'm still not doing that dumb Doggie Door!

The second thing is that we went to that sort of Doggie Park.  The one with the cool swimming pool that looks like a river.  It has magic water.  Mom goes over to a wall by the school and says magic words, and then the water comes out of this long snakey thing and fills up the river.

It was really hot the day we went.  The water was really nice.

I gave thanks to the magic water for keeping me cool.

You should always thank someone (or something) that does a nice thing for you.  If you want someone to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them.   That's what Mom says.   I want to be sure that the magic water will fill up my river the next time I come.  So I said thanks to the magic water.

Please be nice to people and they will be nice to you. 

Love, G

Addendum

To all of my friends who get my post by email, you probably didn't see the movie of JaveLina in my last post.  If you go to the website:  www.guinnesstherescuedog.blogspot.com , then you can play the movie and see my friend.
Sorry it didn't work in the email.

Till next week,

Love G

Goodbye Arizona (for now)

It was time to leave Arizona again.  I could tell.  It was getting pretty hot.  And Mom kept looking for Rattle Snakes.  That's when I know it's time to go back St. Louis where there are no Rattle Snakes.  At least we've never seen one there.

But my Arizona friends came out to say goodbye to me.  First my friend Roger RoadRunner showed up in our back yard and was running all around.  When I went out to say hello (or goodbye), he jumped up on the ledge and gave me a wave as he jumped over the wall. 

Mom told me that she saw some of my BIG four legged friends on the golf course the day before we left.  When she was getting ready to hit her ball, she heard a rustling.  She thought there was a snake nearby.  But no, it was a Mule Deer.  It started climbing straight up the mountain where she was standing.  And then another one followed.  And THEN, three more of them jumped up, turned around and said goodbye to her and then climbed up the mountain. 

But the neatest thing was on the day before we left, my friend Jave Lina came right up to my front door and called to me to say goodbye.

I am sorry to leave all my friends in Arizona.  I watched them as we left on Friday morning.

But I know I'll be seeing them again.  And I have friends in St. Louis I need to catch up with.

So I'm ready to go on to new adventures and I'll be back in the fall to see my Arizona friends.

Here's to a fun summer!

Love, G.

ThomCat

So Mom and Dad went to some place called TooSan.  I don't know where that is, but they went to play golf.  As usual.  Without me. 

But my dog sitter came and got me after they left and took me to her house.  I didn't know she was coming to get me.  She always comes to me when Mom and Dad go away without me.  How does she know?  Can she tell I'm getting lonely?  I don't know.  But she was there and she brought me to her house.  And that made me happy. 

I've been to her house a couple of times.  She has lots of toys for me that she keeps really neat.  See she even puts them in a basket.  I go and get them out to play with, but I don't put them back.  Is that rude, do you think?  I probably should do that next time.

But the most interesting toy at her house is this:

She calls it, ThomCat.  ThomCat walks on four paws, just like me.  But he's not really like me.  And he's not like my puppy pals.  I mean, just look at what he's doing!  If I got up on a table like that, you can bet your bottom bitcoin I'd get yelled at.  (Did you like that?  "Bottom BitCoin?"  I just made it up.)

I'm very polite to ThomCat.  But I don't play with him like I do my puppy pals.  In fact, I usually keep my distance. 

Mostly, 'cuz I don't really get him.  I once did my puppy play dance and asked him to play with me.  He just walked away.  What was that about? 

There's something about him though that reminds me of some one I know.  I'm trying to remember who it was?  Wait.  I know.  It was Bob Kat.  He looks like a miniature Bob Kat.  I haven't seen Bob Kat in a really long time.  I wonder if ThomCat knows him?  Maybe he can tell me where Bob Kat is.   I'm going to ask him next time I see him.  Which will probably be when Mom and Dad leave me again to go play golf somewhere I've never been to. 

I think ThomCat and I will be good friends after a while.  We just need to know each other better.  Maybe I'll ask Mom and Dad to get me a toy like ThomCat.  If I had my own, I might understand him better and then ThomCat and I could play like my puppy pals.

Hope you have your own ThomCat if you don't have a puppy like me!

Love, G

I had a job interview!

Wooof-eee!  I finally have a job!  It's going to be HUUUUGE!  Here's what happened.

Friday, Mom and me (oops, I mean Mom and I, or is it I and Mom? no, it's Mom and I) went to a school in Central Phoenix.  It's a school where kids need extra help.  And I'm supposed to be the extra help. 

We talked to a nice lady who is a Social Worker.  I think that someone who works with things like my blog and Facebook and Twitter and stuff.  So anyway, she liked my blog (and I think she really liked me, too.  I can tell)  Mom and Patti (the gal we met from Gabriel's Angels) and me and the Social Worker all had a very productive conversation about how I could help these kids.  There's going to be a group of 6 or so that will be MY group.  I said I would like the kids to be a little older, maybe around 9 or 10.  Just 'cuz, I can be kinda scary for the really little ones.  Even though I'm real gentle with them.  I'm almost as big as most of them.   So I decided to go a little older.  Every one agreed with me. 

So then we toured the school and met some of the kids.  There were a group of little girls working with their new Laptops.  They all looked like sisters, 'cuz they all had on the same shirts, and they all had pretty long brown hair.  Mom let me go over and nuzzle them a little.  They petted me and cooed over me.  One of them even took a picture of me on her laptop.  But she had to do a selfie 'cuz she couldn't figure out how to make the camera turn around.  It was so fun.

Then we went in a classroom where one of the boys was not being very good.  I went over and rubbed his leg and he petted me too and pretty soon he was being a good boy.  I think that's what I'm supposed to do.  Help them be happy and good.  This will be fun.

I don't start work until next October.  We will be going back to St. Louis pretty soon and the kids will be out of school for a few months.  It will give me time to think of some activities we can do together.  I'm really looking forward to it.  And while I'm in St. Louis, I'm going to be looking for opportunities to be a therapy dog there, too.  Let me know if you know of any.  (I heard in Tucson that they have Therapy Dogs for the Law Students when they were taking their exams!  That would have been cool, but I didn't hear about it until after they graduated.)

I also like that I can wear my new Gabriel's Angels vest when I go to work.  Wanna see?

It's pretty Rad, don't you think? 

I best be getting to sleep.  As the only working member of this family, I have to keep my energy up.

Love, G

Circle of Bones

 For those of you who know my Mom, you know that she is into this mumbo jumbo time travel in Scotland.  You know, where they go through some old stones and end up in the year 1747 with a guy named Jamie and a gal named Claire?  I think there is a book called "Outlander" and it was written by Diana Gabaldon who lives here is Scottsdale and sells her books at a store called the "Poisoned Pen."  (I really like that name!  Imagine what you could do with a poisoned pen -- "Take that! you nasty Rattle Snake" and then you stick him with your poisoned pen!  That would be real fun.  Uh oh, I'm doing that digressing thing again.

Anyway, mom went to the Poisoned Pen and met this Mrs. Gabaldon.  Lots of people were buying books and having her sign them.  Mom brought her Scotland photo book instead and had her sign the page where she was hiding in the magic stones that let you time travel.  She thought that was cool.

So I decided to have some fun with Mom.  We have stones outside that are in a circle.  They look like this:

But I went and filled the circle with my bones. 

When mom came out later, I chased her around the yard like I sometimes do, and she jumped when she saw my "Circle of Bones".

(They look really eerie, don't they?  I wonder where you can travel if you use bones instead of stones?  Maybe I could go meet dogs in old Egypt.  Or maybe the bones would come alive and they would be big mean cows!  I don't think I would like that.)

 

After mom stopped being surprised, she asked me if I had put the bones there.  I said no, but I don't think she believed me.  Why do you think she wouldn't believe me?

 

Thank you to those of you who sent me comments.  There aren't a lot of them.  Maybe no one is reading my blogs anymore.  I need to see if I can get more people to read my blogs.  It's more fun when lots of people read my blogs.

Stay away from magic stones if you want to stay in 2016.

Love, G