The Guinness Diet

So I know you all know how I am on a diet lots of times.  Mom is afraid if I put too much fat on my sleek body that I'll look like a lelephant.  I don't want to look like a lelephant.  What's a lelephant?  Does anyone know what a lelephant is?  It must be big and ugly or something.

Anyway, if I go to the vet and weigh more than 62 pounds, she starts talking about diets again.  I wish she wouldn't do that.  Every time she does that I get more carrots in my Kong toy and less peanut butter in my marrow bones.  I like peanut butter a lot, lot more than carrots.  (And I like carrots a lot, lot more than celery.  Just sayin'.) 

So we went to the vet the other day.  (I tried to go on strike when she went up the stairs to the vet's office.  I don't really like going to the vet.  And if I go on strike with Dad, he just takes me home.  So I tried that with Mom again, but she won't have anything to do with that stuff.  She justs grabs my collar and pulls so I have to go.  I wish Dad would take me to the vet.  Then we could go home when I go on strike. 

Why don't I like the vet?  Because every time we go, they poke at me and stick me with a long needle and it hurts!  I don't say anything.  I just try to think of something else 'till they are done.  And then they do give me some good treats, so that's OK.  AND they put me on the scale and when I weigh over 62 pounds, you know what happens then -- carrots!

Well this time I tried a new diet.  When we got to the vet, I promptly went over to the scale and sat down.  I made it look real official like.

Look at that!  38.2 pounds.  Mom can't put me on a diet at 38.2 pounds.  In fact she may have to start feeding me more peanut butter.  I think I'm pretty clever. 

You can try it too.  Next time you go to the doctor, just try sitting on the scale with your feet on the floor.  I bet you lose lots of weight too.

Please tell everyone you know about my new diet.  I want to make some money on my good idea.  Thank you,

Yours,

G