Mom Needs Some Good Book Recommendations

Saturday I was supposed to go to the Nursing Home for Phase Two of my evaluation to be a Therapy Dog.  Unfortunately, the Evaluator was sick, so we didn't go.  I was pretty mad.  Mostly 'cuz the day before, Mom sent me to the vet to get a bath and a pedicure.  It was nasty!  I was there for three whole hours.  They soaped me up good.   They filed my nails down till I could hardly see them.  They stuck sticks in my ears.  And I can't even tell you what they did to my behind.  It was embarrassing.  And then I didn't get to go to the nursing home anyway.  PuppyCock!

So instead, Mom and Dad ran errands and left me home to guard the house.  I'm very good at that you know.  But there wasn't a lot to do.  The neighbors had already left and I barked to tell them goodbye.  Nobody was ringing the doorbell.  It was boring.  So I checked around to see what might be fun to do.

As you recall, I am an avid reader.  In case you've forgotten, you can go back and read my blog from February 8, 2015, wherein (don't you just love that word?) I devoured one of Mom's new books.) 

I espied a little book sitting on the top of the coffee table.  It was a cute little book, and easily picked up.  So I took it with me to the back bedroom.  I like the back bedroom, 'cuz it still has the old comfy rug instead of that cold, hard tile that Mom put in over the summer.  I took my new bone with me, and proceeded to devour this new book of Mom's. 

It was pretty dry.  All about playing golf.  I read some of it, but it didn't make sense.  Like this statement, "Consideration of Other Players: Players should not disturb others play by moving, talking, or making unnecessary noise."   That's not "playing".  Playing is disturbing others by moving, talking, and making as much noise as possible!"

And this one:  "Players should be ready to play as soon as it is their turn to play."  What's that about?  It's always their turn to play, isn't it?

I was trying very hard to understand all this whilst I was snacking on my butcher bone, when Mom came home and caught me.

 

Oops.  Methinks devouring her book was a mistake.  But really, she really shouldn't be reading this trash.  It's terribly boring and very wrong.  We need to find some better books for her.  Do you have any suggestions?

 

Hoping you can help,

 

Love, G.

 

 

Guinness the Barbeque Chef

As you know (or maybe you don't), I am a BIG help to my mom and dad.  I don't know how they could have done without me before I arrived a couple of years ago.  I pick up the paper for them, help them sleep at night, play with them, nap with Dad -- there are SO many things that I do for them.

So it shouldn't surprise you that I also help mom cook.  The first time it happened was when I heard mom in the kitchen making a steak dinner.  Now, I KNOW I can help with steak dinners.  Steak is my specialty.  (Or it could be if anyone ever gave me any!)  But one day, when mom was in the kitchen, I smelled a steak and I quick popped up to offer my services.

So I asked mom if I could help.  She said, no, but I knew her better than that.  She was just trying to be nice.  Also, she is a lawyer and I know she doesn't want the DOL after her for violating child labor laws.  (Of course, they couldn't do that, 'cuz in doggie years, I'm really 23 and too old to be subject to child labor laws.  But Mom never remembers that.  She always thinks of me as her baby!)

So I helped her anyway.  And when she went out to the porch to cook the steak on the barbeque, I was there to help.

 Notice that steak on the grill?  I'm protecting that from coyotes and rattlesnakes and javalinas.  I have a very important role!  

 

And so we cooked dinner.  And finally the steak was done and mom took it in.  I kept watch over it, but by then, I was really tired.

 

 

 

Cooking is really hard.  And I worked as hard as I could.  But do you think I got a taste of that steak?  Noooooo, I got carrots in a Kong Toy!  I might call the DOL and report the violations of child labor laws!  Maybe then someone will give me a steak or two!

 

Is there a good lawyer out there who will champion my cause?  Please reply to this email!

 

Love, G



Evaluation Day!

I passed.  Not by a lot, but at least I'm still in it.

We went to the Roadrunner's Farmers Market on Saturday morning.  So early, I didn't even get to have breakfast.  Mom tried to feed me before we left the house at 7:00 a.m., but I like to eat when they do, and they weren't eating.  So I got there pretty hungry. 

Mom and Dad walked around with me to let me get used to the place.  Then Dad went to the car.  That got me VERY worried.  Where was he going?  What was he doing?  I kept trying to see him but Mom kept moving me along to the market.  I kept looking around to find him, and Mom seemed to be getting really worried.  "Guinness", she said, "work with me.  We have to pass this test."  Test?  An evaluation is a test?  Uh, oh.  What if I fail?  Will Mom still love me?  What do I have to do to pass?  I'm getting VERY nervous.

We wandered through the market and Mom kept pulling me here and there.  I kept looking for Dad.  Then she brought me to a picnic table a bit apart from the market and we sat until a gal came and smiled and said, "Hi, you must be Ellen."  So I knew Mom must have been expecting her.  This must be The Evaluator! 

Right away I liked her.  She had treats hidden in her pocket.  And she offered me some.  Well she made me work for them.  First she held out her hand with the treats and I tried to get them.  Then she pulled back and said, "Wait."  What, can I have them or not?  Finally, I gave up and just sat.  I guess she wasn't really going to give them to me.  And what do you know?  Then she did!  What a weird gal.

She asked me and Mom to walk around left and right and backwards and forwards, all on a short leash.  I tried really hard to follow, but it wasn't easy.  Then she wrote a few things down and we went to find some people I could say Hi to.  That was fun!  First Mom found this fun guy who was fishing in a pond.  She told him we were training and would he mind petting me.  He said, "sure".  I walked up to him, and he petted my head and I gave him a kiss to thank him.  That was fun! 

THEN, we went into the Farmers Market.  WOW!  It was full now.  With lots of smells and people and other dogs.  Mom kept telling me to Heel.  But that was really hard.  I just wanted to smell everything.  After we passed through the market once, the gal told Mom to ask people to pet me.  So every so often, Mom stopped and talked to someone and they would pet me.  It was great. 

One gal had a German accent, and I could tell she really liked me so I jumped up to give her a kiss.  Bad move.  Mom grabbed my collar and the Evaluation gal frowned.  The German gal seemed to like it, so what was the problem?  But we kept on going and I got petted by lots of people. 

When we finished, the Evaluation gal filled out a form that said whether I passed or failed.  And I passed!  Thank heaven.  Mom would have been really mad if I didn't.  But she did make a note that Mom was to watch the jumping.  Uh, oh. 

We came back and I was really tired.  So I found my favorite place and vegged out! 

I have to rest up for next week.  We're going to a nursing home.  What's a nursing home?

I'm learning lots of stuff.  Hope I can keep up.  I'll tell you all about it next week.

Love, G (Yawn....)

Mom & Dad Went to St. Louis

And guess who came to take care of me?

Yep, my favorite puppy sitter.  I took her on long walks and showed her all my favorite paths.  She does everything I tell her.  

Well, not everything.  I did tell her that Mom and Dad ALWAYS give me extra treats on every day that ends with "y".  She didn't believe me. 

I pouted and tried to beguile her, but it didn't work.

I didn't get any extra treats.   I think she's on to me! 

Oh, well.  Maybe when Mom comes back she'll be so glad to see me, she'll give me extra treats!   I can dream, can't I?

Love, G

A VERY INTERESTING FRIEND

Here it is January 4, 2016 and I still haven't finished my New Year's Resolutions.  I promise I will have them done by next time and share them with you.  That's my FIRST resolution!  (Hee, hee)

Anyway, I have to tell you about the fabulous dog I met at the Dog Park last week.  Mom took me again to practice "Walking on a Loose Leash", which I don't really like to do, but if it makes Mom happy....

We finally finished jumping in and out of the car, till I remembered what "Loose Leash" meant, and then she let me into the Dog Park.

Of course, I had to be the Official Greeter again. 

 No one does it like I do and I don't mind!

 

 

There were lots of different dogs that came in.  One was a really pretty Husky.  Mom says she thinks he might be a distant cousin of mine.  I wouldn't mind that, he was pretty!

 

 

 

Then another big dog like the Dane from the week before came in, and we shared the water bowl. 

But the guy I really, really liked was this tiny little dog who had only three legs.  But he didn't seem to know he only had three legs.  I went up and said hi, and we liked each other right away.  We played for the whole rest of the time.  How would it be to have only three legs? 

 

I thought it might be fun for awhile.

But I don't think I'd really like it, yet....

 Parker (that was his name, Parker) just didn't care.  I like that.  He says he really is a lucky dog, 'cuz he has a human who really loves him and friends like me (see, he called me his friend) who play with him and like him lots!

 

I like Parker.  I hope I see him again soon.

 

So that's how my 2016 is starting.  Pretty nice, huh?  I promise I will have my NYR's done by next time. 

 

Love, G