What is the World Coming To?

I've been watching CNN and Fox News with my Mom.  (She has to wait till Dad goes to play golf, 'cuz he refuses to watch any of that stuff until "some sort of sanity returns", he says.)
I don't quite know what that means, except I guess it has something to do with the fact that there are a lot of screaming, angry people on those shows.   

Lots of people want to be boss of the whole world and none of them wants to listen to what people want.  That doesn't make sense to me.  When I want to boss my Mom around, all I have to do is figure out what makes her happy.  Some days, she just likes me to snuggle with her on the couch.  Some days, she likes me to go to breakfast with her and act very calm and polite.  When I do that, I can tell her by using my dogtelepathy that I want her to take me out or get a treat and she does it right away!  That's how you get to boss people around.  You don't try to yell louder than the next person.  I know that!

So I'm going to throw my hat into the ring (that is if I had a hat, which I don't).  I would make a great President.  

Then we watch the stuff about a virus that's going around.  I don't think I can catch it, but a lot of people are getting sick and dying from it.  Mom and Dad wash their hands a lot and I'm afraid I'm going to get a bath soon too.  

So anyway, it's just not the funnest time to be out and about these days.  I've taken to reading more books.  Dad does that instead of listening to the nasty news so I'm doing that too.  

I'm sorry, but it's just not as much fun as going to the Dog Park!

Ho, hum.  I hope things get better soon.

I hope you keep healthy and don't get spooked out about all the nasty politicians and stuff.  

Love, G

  

The Case of the Missing Meat

Mom has long suspected me of climbing on counters when she and Dad aren't home.  But I wouldn't do that.  You know me.  I might chew a pay-check or a bank statement or two, but climb up and pull something off the counter top?

I mean really, when the two packets of meat went missing, how could I be to blame.  Weren't they right up on the counter next to the pantry whose door is always open.  

Do I ever take food from the pantry whose door is always open?  No, of course not.  Then why would I go to all the trouble of reaching waaaayyy up on kitchen counter to eat a packet or two of meat.

But she tells me that she pulled out some turkey and ham to thaw and put it on the counter.  She meant to then put it in the refrigerator but Dad called her in and the next thing I know, they are walking out the door to do errands and I have a Kong Toy and a biscuit to attend to.

When she got home, she says she found a piece of plastic on the bed.  Another piece of a plastic bag with the zip lock still intact was on the kitchen floor.  She had to think a minute before she remembered the two packets of meat.  Funny, they were no longer on the kitchen counter.

She asked me about it, then.  I said, "Was it a 5 ounce package of ham and another one of turkey?"  She said, "Yeesss", in that long drawn out way she does when she means a lot of other stuff.  I said, I don't know anything about it.  

But then I said, Oh, wait, now I remember.  I think I saw a burglar come in right after you left.   He made himself some sandwiches and ate them and then he left.  I tried to bark at him to go away but he pulled a gun on me and made me sit while he ate the sandwiches.

"Oh, really," said Mom.  "And did he enjoy the plastic wrap, too?"  I guess so, I told her.  (Rats!, I thought.  Busted by a plastic wrap.)

She didn't say anything to Dad about it.  But I went to bed without much dinner that night.  That darn burglar.  It was all his fault!

Hope you don't have burglars raiding your kitchen counters!

Love, G

Learning Tricks

I said I would I would tell you about my new tricks.  Or rather my attempt at new tricks.

Mom says I'm a smart dog so I should be able to do these.  I think she's a bad teacher because I can't figure out what she wants me to learn.

Take the day at the library.  We were doing "Shake" and I was giving her a paw and getting my treats just like usual.  We even did "High Five" where I take the same paw and do it higher and get more treats.  (I especially like the treat part in case you were wondering.)

Then she said, "Give me your other paw."  I gave her my paw.  She said, "No, your other paw, your left paw."  I gave her my paw.  I wasn't getting any treats and I didn't get it.  How many times must I give her my paw before I get my treats?

The she said it again, "Give me your paw."  But while I was trying to give her my paw, she grabbed my other leg and they were both in the air.  That was awkward.  I fell down.  I didn't get a treat for that either.  

She tried again doing the same thing.  After awhile, I sat down and said forget it, I didn't want any more treats anyway.

We went home that day, but a few days later, she was at it again.  This time it was a new trick called "Fetch Your Kong Toy".  Now I know she puts treats in my big black rubber toy.  I like that.  But what did that have to do with "Fetch Your Kong Toy"?  So she says, "Guinness, fetch your Kong toy."  I just looked at her.  So she walks me to my doggie bed, where my little bones  and my big black rubber toy are and she says again, "Guinness, get your Kong Toy."  

I picked up one of my little bones to give her.  Maybe she was going to put peanut butter in it like she does at breakfast?  But no, she shook her head and put it back and said again, "Guinness, fetch your Kong toy."  I grabbed my big black rubber toy and looked up at her and she smiled and said, "Good boy."  I know enough to keep doing what I'm doing when she says, "good boy."  I followed her to the kitchen and gave her my toy, and low and behold she loaded it with carrots.  I love when she loads my toy with carrots.  They're sweet and crunchy and they last all of 12 seconds.  So maybe I did my trick?

Next day, she says to me, "Guinness, fetch your Kong Toy."   Something in my mind said I should know what that means.  But I just looked at her for clues.

She sighed.  Then she said, "You know Caesar used to run up the stairs and look all over the house until he found his Kong Toy."  (I hate when she says what Caesar used to do.  He was my older brother, but he isn't here anymore, so who cares what HE could do.)

She walked me over to my doggie bed where my big black rubber toy was.  But she had her camera phone ready, so I posed on the doggie bed.  I supposed that was what she wanted.  

All of a sudden, I remembered from yesterday, and I grabbed my toy and followed her into the kitchen.  I might get my toy full of carrots again.  THIS time she put a biscuit in it.  I get that out in 6 seconds, but it tastes even better than the carrots.

I hope I don't have to keep guessing how to get my treats.  But maybe that's what life will be like from here on in.  Stay tuned.  I'll let you know.

Hope you get treats without having to guess what you have to do to get them!

Love, G

Mom's got a new iphone!

And I get to pose again.

We were at the library last week.  It was still Christmas break for the kids even though it's after the New Year.  So Mom and I had a lot of time on our hands because there weren't many kids there.  That's when Mom decided to practice taking pictures on her new iphone camera.

We did the usual.  I get on the blanket and gaze at the camera lens.  (I'm pretty good at that by now.  You all know how many pictures I have to pose for!)  As usual, my dark eyes disappear in the photograph.  (And I have beautiful brown eyes.)

She fiddled with the settings a bit and we tried again.  (Good thing I'm such a patient model.)  That resulted in this lovely picture:

See those sweet eyes?

She kept going and made me sit for a photo.  

Then she found something really cool.  It was called Portrait Settings.  So then I looked like a REAL model:

That was special.  

By then I was bored.  So we tried doing tricks.  I'm going to have to tell you about those later.  It's too embarrassing.

Hope you get someone to take lovely photos of you!

Happy New Year and all my love,  G.

Merry Christmas to All (Especially my kids)

Thursday was my last Library with the Kids Day for the year.  I won't be seeing them until January 2, 2020.  

Mom dressed me up in my Christmas bow (which is as much decoration as I will let her put on me.)  Then we waited for the kids.  

And there were a bunch of them.  A little boy and his dad came close and Mom asked if the little boy wanted to read to me.  He hid his little face in his dad's pants, but when Mom pulled out my picture book and asked if he wanted to just look at the pictures, he smiled.  He sat down with me and paged through the pictures without saying a word.  But he smiled his thanks when he left.

Another little girl fell in love with me.  I can tell these things.  She read three books and couldn't stop petting me.  Mom said she was a polite girl because she backed away just a bit whenever anyone else came by so they could have their chance to love me, too.  

That's when a lady came over and asked if she could pet me.  She said she wanted to feel calmer given the crazy days of Christmas.  So I let her rub me under the chin and between my eyes.  Ohhhhh, yesssss.  I was calm too.  After she left, I heard her say to her young son, "Why don't you go and pet Guinness.  It will make you feel better."  And he did!  He came right over and got down with me and we snuggled.  When he left to go back to his Mom, she asked him, "Did that make you feel better?"  And he said, "YES!"  Which made me feel really good, too.

And then the little girl who loves me came back and snuggled with me  again.

I love the library kids.  I didn't want to leave.

We went the door to go home, but I wanted to go back.

Mom told me to come, but I pretended I didn't hear her.  She tried her trick where she drops my leash and leaves me.  I usually follow her because I'm scared she might really leave me.  But at the library, I knew I could go find my friends back inside, so I didn't follow her.
  

She came back pretty soon, and tried to get me to the car.  But I said, "No, not going!"

She finally pulled out the liver treats and I followed her to the car.  But she says I'm an embarrassment to her when I do that.  I can't help it.  I like being with my kids.  Especially when I can calm everybody during the Christmas Holidays!

We went home and she gave me a hug.  

Hope you have a calm and Merry Christmas.

Love, G

I Must Be Famous

Yesterday we went to the library for my usual pleasant hour with the children.  On the way we stopped at an intersection.  I was gazing serenely out the window at a car next to us.  Suddenly, the window opened and two lovely high school age gals were waving at me from their car.  They were calling to me, saying, "There's Guinness!"

Mom heard the commotion and glanced their way.  Then she laughed and put my window down.  I was able to stick my head out and smile at my adoring entourage.  So nice to be recognized and loved by gorgeous women.  It brought me back to my time in California while I was cavorting on the beach.  Two lovely beach babes stopped and were all over me.  

Ah, those were the days!

When we got to the Library, my usual customers were there as well as a few others.  Randi and Abigail took turns reading to me.  Abigail was first while Randi did her homework.  Abigail is only 6 but she reads pretty well.  I only had to help her on a couple of words.

While Abigail was reading to me, little Audrey plopped down right next to us.  Audrey is about two years old and couldn't weigh more than twenty pounds.  She has curley hair that bounces when she speaks.  It didn't bother Audrey one bit that Abigail was reading to me.  She just picked up one of my picture books and starting with the back page she invented stories to go with every picture.

Abigail just looked at me and whispered, "She can't read, can she?"  I said, "No, but she does a good job of pretending, don't you think?"  Abigail did very well.  She just sat there until Audrey worked her way backwards to page one and then hopped up and found something else to do.  Then Abigail continued reading her book to me. 

Sometime later, the readers were all doing their homework, and a little one came by who was too little to read.  She appeared quite tired and plopped down to nap a little next to me.  I watched her carefully to be sure no harm would come to her.  That's part of my job, you know, keeping the little ones safe.

Randi came back to ask me whether I would be there on February 13.  She said it was her birthday, and she would like to come see me for her birthday.  I pretended to consult my calendar (we haven't gotten the schedule for the new year yet, but I already knew what I was going to do.).  I informed her that, yes, we would be at the library on February 13.  I'm not going to disappoint one of my customers; I'll be there with bells on.  (Well maybe not bells, but my tags do make tinkly sounds.)

All in all it was another wonderful day at the Library.

Hope you have a Library where you can have a good time, too.

Love, G.

My Halloween

I need to tell you about my Halloween.  I like Halloween.  I get to wear my SuperMan Cape and no one who sees me knows it's me when I wear my SuperMan Cape.  

So Halloween was also my library day.  Mom and me (I mean Mom and I) went to the library in my cape.  We set up like we usually do, with my blanket in the middle of the kiddie section and I posed to wait there.  

As you can see, there are no kids around.  And I waited and waited and waited but no kids came by.  Apparently, they all went to Halloween parties and didn't invite me.  I was sad.  Mom and I went home.

I was going to go mope in my room, but Mom had a better idea.  We decided to go Trick or Treating.  So we went down the street to my friends Mr. Grant and Mrs. Gerry.  They had a candle outside and the gate was open, so I was pretty sure they were waiting for me.  We went right up and rang the doorbell.  Pretty soon Mrs. Gerry came out and I think she didn't recognize me right away.  She thought I was really SuperMan.  But Mom was right behind me, so she figured it out real quick.  Then I did my trick (I can do Shake and High Five really good) and Mrs. Gerry gave me a treat.  Well, actually, she gave me about four treats!  She is really nice.  I like this Trick or Treating.

After that, Mom and Dad took me out to dinner.  They were afraid that kids might come to our door and I would scare them by barking.  (Actually, I talked to Roxie and Boss and they said that no kids come around our place on Halloween, but I decided I didn't need to tell Mom that.  I like going out to dinner.)  

So we went to American Modern up at Market Street.  (Mom had warned them when she made the reservation that they were bringing a dog and that they would be able to tell which one was the dog because he would be wearing a SuperMan Cape.)  When we got there, the waitress looked over the reception desk to ask if I was wearing my cape?  She was really happy that I did!  So we had a good Halloween dinner and we were served by all sorts of strange looking waiters and waitresses.  Everybody had costumes on.  It was lots of fun.

So all in all, I ended up having a wonderful Halloween.

Hope you had a good Halloween!

Love, G