The Guinness Diet

So I know you all know how I am on a diet lots of times.  Mom is afraid if I put too much fat on my sleek body that I'll look like a lelephant.  I don't want to look like a lelephant.  What's a lelephant?  Does anyone know what a lelephant is?  It must be big and ugly or something.

Anyway, if I go to the vet and weigh more than 62 pounds, she starts talking about diets again.  I wish she wouldn't do that.  Every time she does that I get more carrots in my Kong toy and less peanut butter in my marrow bones.  I like peanut butter a lot, lot more than carrots.  (And I like carrots a lot, lot more than celery.  Just sayin'.) 

So we went to the vet the other day.  (I tried to go on strike when she went up the stairs to the vet's office.  I don't really like going to the vet.  And if I go on strike with Dad, he just takes me home.  So I tried that with Mom again, but she won't have anything to do with that stuff.  She justs grabs my collar and pulls so I have to go.  I wish Dad would take me to the vet.  Then we could go home when I go on strike. 

Why don't I like the vet?  Because every time we go, they poke at me and stick me with a long needle and it hurts!  I don't say anything.  I just try to think of something else 'till they are done.  And then they do give me some good treats, so that's OK.  AND they put me on the scale and when I weigh over 62 pounds, you know what happens then -- carrots!

Well this time I tried a new diet.  When we got to the vet, I promptly went over to the scale and sat down.  I made it look real official like.

Look at that!  38.2 pounds.  Mom can't put me on a diet at 38.2 pounds.  In fact she may have to start feeding me more peanut butter.  I think I'm pretty clever. 

You can try it too.  Next time you go to the doctor, just try sitting on the scale with your feet on the floor.  I bet you lose lots of weight too.

Please tell everyone you know about my new diet.  I want to make some money on my good idea.  Thank you,

Yours,

G

Back in St. Louis Again

I know I'm back in St. Louis for the summer.  Wanna know why?  There are a couple of things. 

First, Mom is trying to get me to use the Doggie Door again.  I tried to express my unhappiness with this behavior of hers.  I decided to starve myself till she stopped.  Dad was worried.  He tried to feed me by hand (which I grudgingly ate, 'cuz it wasn't his fault.  Plus I WAS hungry).  But I refused to eat my food from my doggie dish.  Mom just said, "Just leave it out.  Eventually he'll eat it."  But I kept at it.  One day, however, I got hungry and forgot I wasn't eating.  So after that, I figured it probably wasn't having the same effect.  So I'm eating again.  (And Mom has a smug look on her face!)  But I'm still not doing that dumb Doggie Door!

The second thing is that we went to that sort of Doggie Park.  The one with the cool swimming pool that looks like a river.  It has magic water.  Mom goes over to a wall by the school and says magic words, and then the water comes out of this long snakey thing and fills up the river.

It was really hot the day we went.  The water was really nice.

I gave thanks to the magic water for keeping me cool.

You should always thank someone (or something) that does a nice thing for you.  If you want someone to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them.   That's what Mom says.   I want to be sure that the magic water will fill up my river the next time I come.  So I said thanks to the magic water.

Please be nice to people and they will be nice to you. 

Love, G

Addendum

To all of my friends who get my post by email, you probably didn't see the movie of JaveLina in my last post.  If you go to the website:  www.guinnesstherescuedog.blogspot.com , then you can play the movie and see my friend.
Sorry it didn't work in the email.

Till next week,

Love G

Goodbye Arizona (for now)

It was time to leave Arizona again.  I could tell.  It was getting pretty hot.  And Mom kept looking for Rattle Snakes.  That's when I know it's time to go back St. Louis where there are no Rattle Snakes.  At least we've never seen one there.

But my Arizona friends came out to say goodbye to me.  First my friend Roger RoadRunner showed up in our back yard and was running all around.  When I went out to say hello (or goodbye), he jumped up on the ledge and gave me a wave as he jumped over the wall. 

Mom told me that she saw some of my BIG four legged friends on the golf course the day before we left.  When she was getting ready to hit her ball, she heard a rustling.  She thought there was a snake nearby.  But no, it was a Mule Deer.  It started climbing straight up the mountain where she was standing.  And then another one followed.  And THEN, three more of them jumped up, turned around and said goodbye to her and then climbed up the mountain. 

But the neatest thing was on the day before we left, my friend Jave Lina came right up to my front door and called to me to say goodbye.

I am sorry to leave all my friends in Arizona.  I watched them as we left on Friday morning.

But I know I'll be seeing them again.  And I have friends in St. Louis I need to catch up with.

So I'm ready to go on to new adventures and I'll be back in the fall to see my Arizona friends.

Here's to a fun summer!

Love, G.