The Game of Golf is Highly Overrated

At least in my opinion.  Mom and Dad play golf at least once a week since we've come here to Arizona.  Then they drive over to the Club to just "hit balls".  That's supposed to mean that they are practicing.  But they're always complaining about their scores, so I'm sure "hitting balls" isn't helping much.

Anyway, that's not the point.  The point is that golf balls are not much fun.  And here's how I know.

Yesterday, they went out for awhile and they left the closet door open.  (I know I'm not supposed to go in there when they're gone, but it wasn't MY fault.  I didn't leave the door open!)  I sniffed around a little and what did I find?  I whole bunch of golf balls in a plastic bag.  I had to pull a couple of gym bags out of the box they were in, but I got to the balls and pulled a couple out. 

First of all, let me tell you, those are really hard.  Not like the tennis balls.  And they're a lot harder to peel than a tennis ball.  Not only that, but there is no squeaker in them.  What good is a ball that doesn't bounce, you can't peel (well it's hard to peel) and has no squeaker?

Well I set to work to figure out these balls.  I finally got to the middle of things.  And the middle was green.

 

 

See, you really CAN peel one, but it takes a lot of work.  But I was never a shirk about work.  (That was poetry -- did you get it?  Shirk about work?)  So once I got into the middle, it didn't even taste that good. 

 

So I decided to try one with a different name.  Maybe it was the brand.  You know some puppy treats are better than others.  So I tried one called Top Flight. 

 

 



Not much better.  And I had to stop 'cuz I heard the car in the garage.  Have to go greet Mom and Dad so they know how much I love them.  And I'm bringing my golf ball experiments to show them.

 

 

Oops.  Maybe that wasn't my smartest move.  I can tell Mom is not happy.  Stinky game anyway!

 

See you next week,

 

G

 

 



Oh what a Thursday!

You won't believe what happened to me on Thursday.  We got up and skipped our 3 mile walk.  (I should have figured something was funny then, but I didn't).  Then Mom popped me in the car and we took off.  "Oh, boy!" I thought, "We're going to the dog park!"

But Mom turned left at Thompson Peak.  (The Dog Park is right.  I know that!).  So maybe we're going to Always Unleashed.  That's left.  But wait, Mom, you missed the turn!  I started making lots of noises to let her know that she was lost, but she kept on going.

We were far out in some place called Cave Creek.  (There were no caves and no creeks.  This is the desert for heaven sakes!)  Then we turn into a street called East Forest Pleasant Place.  Who do they think they're kidding?  There's nothing but dry dirt and bushes here.  And just wait till I tell you what happened there and you won't think it was such a Pleasant Place either!  The sign outside said, Partners Dog Training.  Was I going to Dog School here? 

Well we hung around the entrance to I-didn't-know-what with a bunch of other dogs and they wouldn't let us play together.  What a waste.  Then they put a ginormous leash on me and a collar with a box.  Look at all this leash!

 

Then...they took me into a tunnel of bushes without Mom.  I didn't know where we were going or what they were going to do to me.  It was a big bald guy who had the leash.  I knew I was going to do anything he said.  I was ascared!

 

 

 

The first thing we came to was a bunch of snakes.  Big, awful snakes.  And they smelled.  OUCH!  That blue box on my collar pinched me!  Just when the snake smell was the worst.  Then we started to go away from the smell and just as it was getting better, the big bald guy took me back towards the smell, but I wouldn't go.  I didn't want to get pinched again.  That was not fun! 

 

So then....we went to another place where there were more snakes and these snakes sounded like a bunch of baby rattles.  Just as I heard the rattles, OUCH, the blue box pinched me again.  I'm staying away from rattles forevermore.

 

Then we went to one more place.  And this time a pretty girl with lots of pink clothes came to help.  It was 75 degrees out.  Why was she wearing all those clothes?  But when she showed up, we walked around a little and then I smelled snake and I ran the other way.  No way were they going to get me close to a smelly snake and get me pinched again.  I'm not stupid. 

 

Finally, we went back through the bushy entrance and as soon as I saw my Mom, I ran toward her and dragged the pretty pink girl with me.  I wanted to go home.  NOW.  But first the pretty girl stopped and told my Mom that I was AMAZING.  (But you all knew that already.)  She said that I learned right away not to get near a snake.  (She also told mom that I was really well behaved, because I was heeling with her when she walked with me.  Actually, I was just too ascared not to be good!)

 

 

 

Anyway, we finally got home and I was wiped.  I went out in my own back yard WITHOUT ANY SNAKES.  (I did check first!).

 

      Hope you had a better week than me.

 

Love, G.

 

 





 

In the Dog House Again!

At least that's what Mom said when she came home Friday night.  And just what is that supposed to mean?  I don't have a dog house.  We're all in the same house.  But I know it meant she wasn't real happy.  See it was like this.

They went to play golf and left me with all my toys.  And I do have a lot of toys.  I have bones and balls and antlers and balls and bones and even a big box that drops treats when I roll it around.  Sometimes they even give me a frozen bone with real food in it.  Yummm!
And Friday Mom put lots of treats in my big blue box.  Unfortunately, I sometimes get my bones and boxes stuck under things and Friday I got both stuck under the bathroom cabinets.

 

 

You can see how I could get pretty frustrated.  There is my box, full of all sorts of treats and I can't get it out!  And my bone is right there with it. 

 

So I looked around to see what else I could do, and guess what?  Mom had left her new book on the bedside table.  I know she was really liking it.  It was called "Americanah" and she said it was so good, she was devouring every chapter.  Well I decided to see what it was all about.  And she was right!  I devoured the first 15 pages and that was really fun.

 

 

 

It was just about that time that I heard the garage door open.  So I picked up my kong toy (oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you I also have a kong toy) and ran to the door to see them.  (Remember my "Words of Wisdom" -- When someone you love walks in through the door, even if it happens five times a day, go totally insane with joy.")  And I ran through the door wagging my tail and showing them my kong toy and they were happy to see me.  

 

At least until Mom went into the bedroom to get something and found her book.  Then she was not happy.  She didn't yell or anything, but I could tell she was disappointed in me.  But why can SHE devour a book and it's not OK for ME to devour just 15 pages.  NOT FAIR!!

 

That's when she said I was in the Dog House again.  Whatever that means, IT IS NOT GOOD. 

 

I don't think I'll be reading any more of her books. 

 

Hope you stay out of Dog Houses this week.

 

Love, G.



  

Camera Lessons - Uh! Oh!

Did I tell you Mom signed up for on online Camera Course?  I wouldn't have cared, except guess who gets to be Target Practice?  You got it.  Your's truly. 

She really doesn't have a REAL camera, just a point and shoot.  The course is for an SLR Camera ( I think that is short for SLOWER, because with an SLR you have to change all sorts of things and the target - me - gets tired and leaves before you can take a picture.)  She says that she learned lots of things about the Point and Shoot settings so now she can use her FASTER camera to get better pictures of me.)

I don't know. 
 The first week they did "White Balance".  Mom took this first picture on Automatic.  I knew it wasn't going to be very good right away.  That's why I'm sticking my tongue out. 

But she was able to change the automatic setting and got this lovely picture of me with the fountain.  I liked that one much better.



 

The next week they did "Shutter Speed".  They were supposed to be able to shoot streams of water so you could see the water droplets.  Kinda like this:

 

Can you see the water droplets?  I told her that was cheating 'cuz it's really not rain -- it's big drops of water from the water spout.  But she had to use something called "Sports Mode" because she couldn't change the shutter speed, so I guess it was OK.  But the worst is still to come. 

She was taking pictures in "Sports Mode" while I was playing with Ozzie, 'cuz we were running so fast, she thought that would be good.  But then she got it in her head to combine the stream of water thing with me in Sports Mode.  So here I am as Target Practice in the Extreme.

 

 

I do hafta admit.  I make a pretty cute target.   But I'd really rather not leave you with this impression of Mom's picture taking abilities.  So let me show you what she did with "Beach & Snow" mode.  (In Arizona you have to make do -- since we have no beach and no snow -- but it worked for her picture.)

 

 

I've gotta to hide now.  She has the camera out again.  See ya! 

 

G